I Hear Guyana Cry, Balwant Bhagwandin (2003).
In a piece titled "APB," which is the only prose piece in I Hear Guyana Cry, Balwant Bhagwandin highlights the shortcomings of the Guyana Police Force.
He writes, "The Guyana Police Force yesterday [the piece is dated November 8, 2002] again appealed to the public for help in capturing 14 men wanted for multiple murders, kidnappings, rapes, robberies and arson." He then lists the names and aliases provided by the police. Apparently the police only had 6 of the 14 wanted men's real names.
Some of the more interesting aliases were "Hi-5" (a name attributed to the suspect's HIV+ condition), "Big Batty," and "Piggy Mouth." An S. Brown had the militant alias "Bush Soljah," and a T. Dick was "Brukout."
The Guyana Police Force's appeal to the public for help ended with the following instructions: "Anyone with information about the whereabouts of the men is kindly asked to get in touch with the nearest Police Station or call telephone numbers. . . [Seven total. Y'all gon have to buy the book to get the actual numbers]. If you do not get through at one number, try another until you do."
If you do not get through at one number, try another until you do!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! OHMIGOD! Were they serious? Imagine sighting "Big Batty" and running to the phone to call the police. Then, say you don't get through until the seventh number an hour later, can you imagine where "Big Batty" would be by then? And there's an even bigger problem with that scenario. Read on.
In addition to citing some public criticism of the "baldness" of information the police had on the 14 men, Bhagwandin's piece captures one of the remarkable aspects of Guyanese people: their ability to find humour in the face of real disaster.
He tells us "...one man wondering aloud if the aliases were meant as description said that they were hopelessly inadequate and misleading; citing Big Batty as an example, [he] pointed out that 50% of the vendors at Bourda Market would comfortably fit that description. Another, in reference to the same Big Batty speculated on whether the Police knew if Brown Dick and Piggy Mouth were his tandem partners."
Oh Lord!
Anyway back to my scenario... Turns out, after patiently dialing until you finally got the police, you might have the wrong Big Batty.
Ooooh that resilient Guyanese humour!
